Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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