I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
