As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
