were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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