have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
