Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
