so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
