I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
