As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
