oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I look better un-naked...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
