dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
