On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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