There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
