I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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