the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
