Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize