And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
