just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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