I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
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Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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