Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
