The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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