all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.