my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
