he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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