I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
