Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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