So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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