So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
