I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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