In the future we'll all be gay
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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