Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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