Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
