So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
