is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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