he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
