I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
