So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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