I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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