I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
