My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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