Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
