Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
