i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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