i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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