My hand turned me down
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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