my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
