Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize