The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
