Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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