good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
