Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
