Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
