So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
