its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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