then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
