i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Every concussion has its silver lining
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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