my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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