i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
