You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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