I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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