I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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