This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm way too hungover for life right now
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
