I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
