I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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