I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
