I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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